The mystery is finally solved! I AM pregnant. Pregnant with extreme sadness that grows inside of me, each day, every day. Pregnant with this feeling of nausea at the thought of how self-consumed I have become. Pregnant with the morning sickness I feel every morning that makes me lay in my bed hoping for a miracle that would take me some place else. And I shut my eyes tight, really right, hoping and praying for someone to protect me and hug me. And as I lay there with my eyes shut I try to escape this feeling of dread. Making an enemy of reality, I live in this world of make believe and as I do so, I hurt so many in the process. That ugly face of a narcissist that stares back at me from the mirror, I can't stand to look at it!! How I wish it would go away.
I feel the rain on the inside of the window and I am soaked and I am cold. Only if in l hadn't been such a snob and befriended the rain when I could. Now it just rains on.. it rains on me!
I am a ghost that moves about in a daze. I am that ghost who sees people love me but one who knows not how to love them back for I feel nothing. Cold! The absence of warmth, that is what I have become!
And as I sit here so consumed with myself, wallowing on self-pity, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who she is, one who sits here! This wasn't me!! Who is she??
And they say, "thank you Miss Bhatia for your generous contribution. It's people like you......."
People like me? People who flash their credit cards and think they've done their bit and and can now sit down and think about nothing but themselves for the rest of the month? Is that who I have become? Of all the masks I wear, this is definatelt not the one I chose to be!! This is not who I will be!!
I feel the rain on the inside of the window and I am soaked and I am cold. Only if in l hadn't been such a snob and befriended the rain when I could. Now it just rains on.. it rains on me!
I am a ghost that moves about in a daze. I am that ghost who sees people love me but one who knows not how to love them back for I feel nothing. Cold! The absence of warmth, that is what I have become!
And as I sit here so consumed with myself, wallowing on self-pity, I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know who she is, one who sits here! This wasn't me!! Who is she??
And they say, "thank you Miss Bhatia for your generous contribution. It's people like you......."
People like me? People who flash their credit cards and think they've done their bit and and can now sit down and think about nothing but themselves for the rest of the month? Is that who I have become? Of all the masks I wear, this is definatelt not the one I chose to be!! This is not who I will be!!
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