If I were a painter.

If I were a painter and I could paint a memory, this is exactly how I would paint it with these smiling faces with a twinkle in the eye, the warmth in the atmosphere and the brightness that surrounds them. If I were a painter and I could paint a memory this would be it. A friend said that it seeing this would make me miss them even more but oddly it does just the opposite. Looking at this picture lightens up the air that envelops me. My heart without a care in the world and this smile that has resided, as if, permanently, on my face. It is the prominent beauty and the delight that excites me and I feel them all so close to me. There is something so enchanting about it that I can’t stop obsessing over it. If I really were a painter and this world was my canvas, this is exactly how I would paint it. Bless them all. Love. =)

The Guilt Trip

Not an inch to move,

An unpleasant lot,

The stifling atmosphere makes it even more uncomfortable,

Some passengers berate continuously about the heavy suitcases,

Other just scorn,

A little help would have been appreciated to the humiliation.

Anxiety barges past adding to the disdain,

And the suitcases seem heavier somehow,

The weather becomes colder, wetter, Darker,

So much for the trip I’d planned.

Ghost of me! :)

A rotting orange peel, a forgotten carrot,
Blue and green plastic bags, all spake about the hustle bustle from the previous night.
Round the corner I can see a cow preparing herself for the busy day as she goes about ignoring the blaring horn from the car.
A rush of cool breeze caresses my skin and makes me shiver a bit.
Shivam brings me the news update and moves on playing the sound of muzac.
Of course the morning is never complete is without the morning ritual, arguing over two rupees with the rickshaw wala.
The swarming bus is kind enough to give me that two inches of space.
My steps agile, I move through the ocean of familiar faces, acknowledging their presence.
College beckons, another day, another lecture, and the day proceeds, Shivam was long gone, now Pallavi has taken his place,
Surrounded by the music, the move through the day,
The scorching sun burns my screen,
Like a thirsty fish, water acts as a crutch,
Ah! Sweet relief! I am home again.
Those screaming brats welcome me,
Amidst all the hearty laughs, kiddish teasing, harmless fights
We manage to study a little,
Then begins my time alone, with a walk, accompanied those mouth watering golgappas and that road-side food.
The chitter-chatter continues on the phone,
Night as always so peaceful, so beautiful,
And the coy moon, he knows he leaves me awestruck.
That room so green, the rusty old scooter, the naughty kids, the four walls that keep me so warm are all mine,
Simple as it is, it is nobody else’s but mine.
Yes, they were all mine...…………………………………….
………………………………….
…………………………………
…………………………………….
And now I now walk with the something that once was,
Now I walk with a ghost.
Thankfully the ghost is mine! :)

This isn't Goodbye

Life!! A word that I find myself using so very often and making no exception I start this with the same.I Guess that's how life is with it's mindboggling mysteries and the million games that it plays with you? and it's gazillion riddles which none can solve... Wasn't it my dream to go to a land far far away? and now thatat my dream is getting realised I wonder why I don't feel so good about it?! Why does my heart feel so so heavy? Why do I feel like I am dying?! Maybe because I am dying..dying to be born again..like a phoenix, perhaps :) Huh!! and as I leave, I give you nothing but I take soo much from you..I take memories..many many beautiful memories of the times we spent together..time when we laughed together..time when we cried together..time when we sung so many songs together..time when we cooked together...time when we did crazy things together..time when we talked for hours about things that made aboslutely no sense at all..time which I wouldn't think twice about reliving if given a chance..I take YOU with me..maybe that is why my heart feels soo heavy because I carry all of you in my heart..I love you for being the friend that you have been to me. All the times you were there when I needed you, you taught me so much. So, I take you all with me and all the lessons I learnt from you. Never ever was a day grey with you were around. Smile and sunshine you brought into my life all year round. That is why my heart feels so heavy. and heavier with all the comfort you give me and heavier with the love. Only if you weren't as generous maybe it wud be easy to go to this land far far away. But I would say thank you for being there always..but then again right now thank you seems like such a small word. Funny isn't it? We will be soo far yet, somehow closer. Funnier still I say you'll be closer and that I take you with me..Yet, these tears wont stop when I think of all the times we spent together. They say dere is no end or no last time..but every time I do something, I ask myself is this the last time?? Irony..is that what this is?? but I done want to say goodbye because i never do.. Quoting Affirmation..."this isn't goodbye..even if u watch me leave"..this is just later gators!! love you loads.. Dated: till eternity..and beyond that!

Trapped!!!

Trapped!!!, Have you ever felt trapped??
Trapped enough that you think that you’ll never get out.
And your mind is filled with fear, anxiety and doubt.
Trapped, with the walls turning in on you,
You are not claustrophobic, so why does this sudden fear starts gripping you?
Trapped, in a place where you’d never want to be.
And all you want is, you want is to be free!!!
You want to send an SOS, light some sort of signal fire.
You feel so helpless, so utterly useless and you even choke on that one simple word.
That word that could make all the difference..
HELP!!!!!!!!
“Help!” ‘Help!” Your mind and heart shout in a chorus,
And you just cant seem to get out of this mess.
Only if this simple word would come out of your mouth.
“Let me out!!! “, “Let me out!!” you want to shout.
You lie there barely conscious wanting to get out of this confined place.
Trapped!!! , have you ever felt trapped??

My mission!!

I went on a mission.
A mission to find a reason to cry,
And I found them even before my throat could run dry.
I looked around and there were a million reasons
But my miseries and reasons seemed so less when compared with others.
Maybe my reasons weren’t good enough
As I moved forward life became more and more tough
I didn’t want to feel sad and I didn’t want to cry,
But somehow a tear always trickled down my eye.
I cried ponds and I cried rivers and I even cried oceans
And then I started asking myself was I was capable of other emotions?

So I went on mission to find a reason to smile
Surprised as I was I didn’t even have to walk a mile.
Because when I looked there were so many beautiful things all around,
I was looking for something far less than want I found.
Be it an ice cream or a child or simply pleasant weather,
They all seemed to be giving me reasons,
Reasons to bring a smile to my face,
And something seemed to be happening,
Something magical was happening to this place.
I thought I found my destination,
But then I became greedy,
I liked smiling so much that I wanted more,
So I started traveling again,
Traveling from shore to shore

I went again on a mission
This time a mission to find reasons to laugh,
I did walk about a mile and a half.
When you like to smile it becomes easier to laugh.
I became happy,
With not a tension in my head,
There was nothing, nothing that I seemed to dread.
One day ,life suddenly reminded me of my miseries which were still there,
Funny how little about them did I care.
And with all my missions life taught me a lesson,
A lesson that I learnt well.
Life can take you through heaven and life can take you through hell.
Life gives a 1000 reasons to cry but 10,000 to smile,
This is how life built its PROFILE..
A magical mixture of fire and ice!

That Night I Died..

I looked around it was all dark n grey,
There was a certain awkwardness to this day,
People I knew n loved were all there,
Yet no sound of chatter n laughter one could hear,
I tried to speak to them,
But they all seemed to ignore my presence,
NOTHING !!!! Nothing I tell you made any sense.
Some were sad n some had tears in their eyes,
It was all like some very unpleasant surprise!
Then I stopped dead for I could not believe what my eyes saw,
It was weird for no conclusion to it could I draw..
Was it a dream? Or was it just a thought?
Was it true? No...NO it rather not...
For it was me what my eyes saw
And the picture became more blurry,
The picture that I seemed to draw.
Was it true what they all said?
They all said..they all said that I was DEAD..
AND THEN IT ALL CAME RUSHING BACK TO ME,
And I started to feel tremendous pain. That stormy night...the accident and torrents n torrents of rain.
I guess I WAS dead.
Dead as I could be,
Funny how I felt so free.
I still remember that night,
That night that I died..
I still remember the tears some people cried.
I still remember those people I loved and how they filled my lifeýs empty spaces,
I still remember all their faces..
How can I ever thank u god?
For the life that I had..
For all those wonderful things and for never making me sad..
I thank thee...
I thank you for always always taking care of me

Tear of a Hypocrite!

A friend is always asking me these annoying diddles.

What is long and thin and is green? A Green thread.

What is red and goes ting ting ting? A Fire Brigade.

What do you get if you left mad men lose on the streets? Jaipur? Ahemdabad? Delhi? Or is it Mumbai on the 26th Nov?

They are men of God and are on a mission set by God to kill every living soul in their way. Their fear? Nothing. What do you to do men who fear not death? What do you to whom death means they get go to heaven? They kill so many and even if they don’t kill them, they still succeed, they succeed in creating fear in us, and they succeed in creating mistrust. With a union of two wrong people and a bastard is born. A bastard called, hatred, resentment, for our own kind, hatred for these men of God. Wish there was a place where we could all curl up together and feel ‘safe’. Where do we hide next?

I have never met these men of God personally and yet, they are getting to me. And yet, I can sense those insidious eyes on me as they watch me in a state of anger, shock, disbelief and hurt, exactly how they had envisioned. Now, that their mission was just as anticipated, they can die as martyrs and live an afterlife in a heaven where resides their ‘God’. A part of me wants to be face-to-face with them and point and laugh at their naivety and scorn at them for being so easily manoeuvred. A part of me wants to keep my hope alive, a hope for a better tomorrow. Yet, I know I wouldn’t be saying this, had one of the victims been someone who I love. And there is ache in my heart, and it aches so much, but, my eyes refuse to shed those tears of a hypocrite.

I distract myself and as I sit and stare at that bright blue sky, I can’t help but wonder, how long before it becomes black? How long before indifference starts dawning upon us? How long before we stop discussing them and move on with our lives? How long before some wise man makes a movie about these illegal attacks and wins an award? And as I drag these heavy chains that suffocate me, I think to myself, when did we ask to be coloured in RED?

Friend!

Aww the Sad Little Worm was he..
surrounded by a country a million yet, so alone.
Fate took charge, made plans for him..
We all had a teeny meeny parts..
and so did she,
Destiny they called her..
Thankfully! she was a well wisher.
She introduced him to that Black Bird.
that Black Bird, with kind understanding eyes..
and she understood! yes, of all the people in the world the Black Bird DID understand!
Finally, he found him a a friend!
the Sad Little Worm was lonely no more..
yes, he found a friend in the Black Bird!
Together they flew so high. amongst them stars.
a sight so beautiful.. from moon and moon..a sight, words do no justice..
Together they danced to the Infected Mushroom
Together their wounds seemed to heal!
Oh so sweet was the taste of ecstacy blended with that frenzic delight!
the Black Bird, a friend indeed was she..
My Eyes saw it all..but comprehended none!
them eyes which..
rolled for the foolish Worm
gimlet for the insidious Bird!
and While he fell in love with that woman he called, Mary Jane,
I danced them nancies.
I tripped them billies..
He smiled at me and I smiled back!
then, began the game, the game they call Hide and Seek!
Who was it that hid? Who was the seeker?!
Questions with answers that none spake..
meanwhile the Black Bird.Oh so Powerful! Oh so Self-confident!
and Oh so very Hungry!
She jeered at me with mirth in her eyes..the Worm was his!
Piece by Piece, he seemed to lose himself!
My ears ignored the muffled cry for help!
My eyes refused to see.
My heart..Aah Finally! there was an organ kind enough to save some pity..
Aww the Sad Little Worm was he!