Ladies and Gents (certainly not Gentlemen! That is a dinosaur and we are now living in the age of the ‘cool’). What was I saying again?

Yes!

Ladies and Gents and as I say/write it down, I imagine myself stood, high up on a podium with millions of eyes (your eyes) mesmerized by the words that flow out of my mouth. Only these words like tiny people in a helicopter, that flows over your head and from the inside of these copters, these people wave at you but don’ see them. All it is, is the copter flying with some magic dust. The machinery, oh so magnificent, oh so grand and oh! it flies!! Peaople? Which people? 

There was this one time when I was sipping my cup of tea (yes! These days I drink tea, daily-ish) I thought about that little girl who jumped out of the window, a helicopter in her own way, a helicopter that crash landed! The pain! The remorse! The rubbish! 

Rain has changed sides, au jourd'hui. It's brought me this happy feeling evening.Actuality, a word I discovered, I really liked. I like it because, it makes me believe like something is happening. Always happening . Like machinery, even though I don't like machines too much, but TODAY, it fascinates me. I imagine the hinges, the dials moving about in constant zigzags, horizontals, verticals, and circles, never ending, all so very geometrical. Fascinating indeed.All of it so musical. It's very musical, all of it, in my head. Besides, I always like it when there is music in my head. I had seemed to have lost it for a while but TODAY, I can hear it little whispers. Very distant but it is there and it's comforting. Had you asked me two days back, I would've said that the whisper would die into nothingness but TODAY, I am sure it snow down into a blizzard, a musical blizzard. I like blizzards, A twisty twirly burst of snow and right in the middle of all the confusion there is you. THERE IS YOU!!!!!! and INDEED it is ALL very very beautiful.A voice in my head, very misleading, lost itself, but set out to guide me to the deserts of Azure. A real wild child gone astray, rolled into a cigarette and smoked into whiffs of several dying hearts, out to change the world they didn't believe in. A million strings of wonder, maniacal geniuses who ended at 28 but the whispers never stopped, like machinery, mechanically, chemically, thermally, electrically powered and frequently motorized. A following the word of the lizard king himself, even I shall turn of the lights when the music's over. Yeah.

 While trying to keep up with the ticking hands, I have left so much baggage behind. Probably, it was never needed but every now and then, like teeny tiny time machines, little blasts from the pasts, flash before my possibly blinding eyes. Watching from a distance was becoming boring and my calf muscles forever complaining for some exercise. Without a thought, just like that, I am now running along side with them. I didn’t belong, I still don’t.  Probably. And maybe it’s just on the outside it is me as them, on the inside, I mock what have now become, my foolish ways. Somehow, it’s all better this way. If the pretty white doves are mine now, I wouldn’t know, for sometimes, I still sit up and hope with my all might that this clock would somehow stop ticking. A thought that must must not be voiced for so many reasons. He screams when I do. Nerds that once rocked had met my lips, now, it’s all brinjals. I used to be pretty, now, I am all ugly. I can not lie, not on a piece of paper, there is NO guilt. Why? It IS wrong.

That monster, who I’d sit and watch is now becoming me. Oh! Mirror mirror on the wall, who is it that speaks to me from within you. All those screams, oh! so faint, what do they say? Oh! The pain clouds his face again. And the same old promise that is broken each day is made, once again. A stale beginning has been anchored to the very same point. How can it all be so different and yet feel so familiar?

After all that I have done, why do I still dream of swimming in murky waters? Where does it all end? Why doesn’t it all end?

A change in that punctuation mark, is it asking too much?