Monday 4 May 2009
So, I am turning 23 soon. 23, I repeat to myself over and over again. Age didn’t matter before then why is it that 23 scares the hell out of me? It was always Gurleen who was a bit a worried about growing old, me, on the other hand, it seemed, had swallowed a yo yo and wouldn’t stop jumping around. It’s our birthdays soon!! I would stop every random junior in school and paste my number on their hands and torture them into wishing on my birthday or stop everybody who crossed my path and asked them to wish me. It wasn’t about the gifts, it wasn’t about the parties, it was about growing old to an independent life. I don’t know. It was different when we were kids, throwing each other “surprise” parties, playing pranks on each other, laughing through the day, sharing silly jokes and then giggling naughtily. It did not matter how pretty or how ugly we looked, it did not matter who had the most money, it did not matter who had the latest piece of technology. We had our own little share of problems, of course, we will just now laugh at those ‘problems’ now but they sure as hell did seem to take a toll on us poor dears but we always seemed to get by just fine. It was a blessing. “We are adults. How did that happen and how do we make it stop?” Would you believe it? I know I don’t. Today, I live a life far far away from the life that I lived. Was it this that I was so excited about all my years ‘growing’ up? I have a wonderful life, I have always been surrounded by the most beautiful people, as I am right now. Nothing should be different, yet 23 makes me want to stop and think. As I look around today, things are changing. Hi-tech machines have taken over, machines that I don’t recognise and I am not too sure if I want to know them. As another year adds up to that number I call my age, I am worried that life as I know it is over. Conversations have changed to who got sloshed on a Saturday night or the dress that makes me look the slimmest; serials have changed to who backstabs their best friends the best, worries have changed to how much money we will have in future and how to earn this money, heck! Even the weather has changed to the extreme due to global warming. Approaching 23, maybe I fear that it is not me who is growing, maybe it is the world that is growing and I am still hanging on to my past! I feel like a little lost girl but there is a part of me that doesn’t want to be found.
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